Do you find yourself asking the same ol’ questions over and over again? Questions like, “What are men looking for in a mate?” “Why am I attracting the wrong type of men?” “What is a single woman to do these days?”
Most women will admit that they are baffled when it comes to the dating game. Often times, women waste the most precious years of their life trying to change the wrong man. To begin to understand what women are facing when it comes to finding love and making love last, you must gain a male perspective. What do unmarried men desire in a wife? For men who are already married, what attributes do they want their wives to have? According to the Bible, God gives Christian men a blueprint of what characteristics to look for in finding the right woman.
Proverbs 31: 10-31 describes what is commonly referred to as “the virtuous woman.” If Christian women master these qualities and Christian men focus on seeking women with these characteristics, we are likely to have success in building and sustaining our relationships with the opposite sex.
Several months ago, we asked the brothers who are part of this online community to write in and tell us what they are looking for in a wife so that our sisters would know the secrets of what Christian men desire in a mate. We took the comments from married and unmarried men and references from the Bible and came up with an acronym which we believe summarizes how Christian women can find VICTORY in their quest to find and sustain relationships with Godly men.
Through numerous conversations with various men and especially Godly men, it is clear that they want a woman of high moral character, who respects herself when it comes to her dealings with other men. She should be hardworking, devoted to God, first, and her family, second, and have a caring spirit when it comes to other people.
A woman who has her own life, interests, friends, money, goals and dreams is desirable to most men. Each person in a relationship should enjoy being with themselves and have the opportunity to reflect and learn to love themselves despite all of their perceived flaws. If we don’t learn to love ourselves how can another person learn to love us? Of course, there are men who prefer for their wives to be their constant companion, but even in those situations most men and women agree that there should be a certain degree of autonomy.
Domestic skills are still important in 2008 and will continue to be important quality that most men seek in a wife. The old saying, “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” still holds true. Women who can cook a good meal or even buy one, maintain an orderly home, and give their all in the care of their children and husband is an attribute that the vast majority of men desire in a wife. It gives the man the opportunity to fulfill their duties as providers without additional concerns in the household. Remember that the Bible says that Eve was a help mate for Adam and men need their women to be there to take good care of them and the family.
Honesty is essential if you are to have a solid and lasting relationship with your mate. Men who feel that they can not trust the woman they are with are unlikely to marry that woman. We all know that men have been stereotyped as being dishonest, but unfortunately, there is a double-standard. While it is not uncommon for women to put up with a man who is not trustworthy, most men simply will not accept that from a woman. Trust is very important to men.
A woman with a good attitude is an attractive quality for many men. Women who complain and exude negativity are usually a turn-off and a stressor. Most men attempt to avoid stress and conflict; therefore, they will distance themselves from pessimistic, negative women. Be positive and try your best to avoid unnecessary arguments. Men will want to be in your company and spend quality time with you when conflict is minimized.
The romantic novels and daytime soap operas are entertaining, but they are not reality. The attribute of romance has a different meaning for men and women. For most men, romance and affection are physical and for women it is emotional. Husbands need their wives to be available to them sexually. Wives need their husbands to be available to them emotionally. Ask any man and he will tell you how important sex is. In our conversations with married men, this is the category that they consistently say is lacking in their marriages. God designed sex to be enjoyable; therefore, we must me cognizant of the needs of our partner. Take a poll of men you know and ask them how important sex is to their marriage and you will certainly see why women should be extra attentive to their husbands in the bedroom.
The Bible teaches us that the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church. We have all heard that scripture, but as women have become more independent, it has become more challenging for them to be submissive. Submission means different things to different people. The Bible tells us that the man should be a leader in his home and in the Church. Women have a critical role. They are to act as key advisers and as the support system for the men in their lives. If a man follows God, his woman should be willing to follow him so that ultimately, together the couple is unified in seeking God and His Will.
Through Christ Jesus the VICTORY in relationships is ours! We must follow Godly principles and be willing to do the work necessary to find and sustain the relationships that God wants us to enjoy.
We realize that there will be some of you who will take issue with some of the things we noted. In fact, the writers of this article have been married nearly seven years and while writing this piece, we have been engaged in a friendly debate. We have a place for your spirited comments and we want to hear what you have to say. To respond to the points we made, click on our message board from our homepage and reply to the thread entitled What Christian Men Want in a Wife. If you have not already done so, you will need to register on our message board to make your comments. It only takes a few seconds to register.